I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My bed smells like the plague
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
