My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
