Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
