My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
