Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
