Your mouth is God's brothel.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
