remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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