I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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