Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize