Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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