Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
