The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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