I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
