Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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