ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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