I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
