i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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