tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You were trust falling into bushes
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
