yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
