Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
