I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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