And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize