AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
