Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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