i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
