Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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