Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
