So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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