my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
