she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
