I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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