he puts the penis in happiness.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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