There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
