Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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