i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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