this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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