Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
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