i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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