i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
this beer tastes like vomit already
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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