You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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