If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I need moral support for this bender
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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