Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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