i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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