Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
