do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
