Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Never let your siblings swipe right.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
