How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
