You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
