i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
