Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
