i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
