If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize