His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
