haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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