Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize