Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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