I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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