yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
