There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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