why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
