My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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