So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
