Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I will pee on everything he values.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
