I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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