Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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