So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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