no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
In America we eat man semen.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
