he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
