So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
