Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
