In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
