i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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