Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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